30.1.17  The sock which Lola ate on Saturday night (36 hours ago) made its appearance at 6am this morning.  Lola was lying calmly after her morning routine of dressing gown attacking, when she was suddenly sick.  I was a bit horrified to see that the sock had re-emerged.  I was more horrified to see that Lola ate it up again instantaneously, either because it was the most delicious item she had ever come across, or because she was a bit embarrassed.  She also proceeded to eat up her breakfast again, which I thought she might as well do as it saved me clearing it up.  Lola then went into the middle of the kitchen floor and had a poo.  As I went to wipe it up, she tried to eat the kitchen paper.  Now that I know the full extent of her eating prowess, I removed the paper and threw (put her gently) outside and slammed the door.  She no doubt thought ‘in for a penny, in for a pound’ as she spent the rest of the morning nipping us, actually biting Charlie and generally being an absolute pain,

IMG_0471As I had to take her to the vet’s for her 2nd injections, I phoned ahead to warn them about the sock.  £60, one emetic injection and a wonderful veterinary nurse later, the sock, and the rest of her stomach contents, were out.  The injection had the advantage of being a mild opiate so she then slept and was calm until school pick up.  I am at the stage with her when I think that is actually pretty good value.

I still feel at Maximum Frustration for Minimum Return (MFMR).  I have been thinking about advice I would give to friends who were considering getting a puppy along the following, rueful, lines:

  • Don’t get a puppy if you don’t want to spend your first waking moments wondering what state your utility room and puppy will be in when you get downstairs.
  • If you can’t handle being constantly on edge for signs of Gratuitous Wees and Infuriating Poos inside.
  • If you don’t want your husband to comment on the fact that you have been grouchy ever since you got the puppy (even though you feel your grouchiness is justified given that you are up at 5am every day, even at weekends, and spend your first waking hour trying to preserve the integrity of your dressing gown, make a cup of tea without having your ankles nipped and have your 8 year old early-rising son attacked).
  • If you don’t want to find yourself telling your children off for having the audacity to entice the puppy to play bite them because they haven’t put their socks on yet.
  • If you don’t want your children to argue over who took the puppy out last or for longest.
  • If you want to have any money in your bank account.
  • If you don’t want your car covered in dog hairs.
  • If you want to have any bulbs left in your garden rather than have them dug up by an unwise dog who wants to dig up and eat bulbs which are poisonous for it.
  • If you want to be able to leave the room without having to force a dog back in.
  • If you want to open a cupboard without a nose appearing.
  • If your kitchen drawer handles are nobs just at the right level for chewing.

IMG_0421Picking up poos really is the least of my concerns, unpleasant as it is.  I’m just pleased when they’re outside.

As well as being in a state of MFMR, I am in a state of Naughty Puppy, Incompetent Owner (NPIO).  Lola is becoming more ‘adventurous’ whereas my control over her and the situation remain minimal.  There are two major dates on my horizon.  The first is 6th February, when we can start going for walks outside the house.  The second is 2nd March when we start puppy training classes and all my woes will be over as I’ll instantly know what to do and Lola will delight in obeying my firm and clear commands.

PS.  While I’ve been writing this, Lola has amused herself with her toys, been very calm, and has fallen asleep on her daytime rug which she has pulled to my feet, looking absolutely gorgeous. She has been the perfect puppy.  But it’s 10pm.  And I’m not in my dressing gown.  Let’s see how the 5am session goes.

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